{"product_id":"root-sky-throat-neck-salve","title":"Root \u0026 Sky: Throat \u0026 Neck Salve","description":"\u003ch3\u003eWhat is Root \u0026amp; Sky Salve?\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eA warming aromatic chest and neck rub typically used during cold season. Infused with stimulating roots and opening aromatics, it helps comfort a sore throat and clear congestion when massaged onto the neck and chest.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"MsoNormal\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eRoot \u0026amp; Sky: Throat \u0026amp; Neck Salve\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"MsoNormal\"\u003e\u003ci\u003eA Topical Ode to Your Most Expressive Body Part\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"MsoNormal\"\u003e\u003ci\u003e\"For that delicate area where words, scarves, and existential sighs collect.\"\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"MsoNormal\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eKey Ingredients \u0026amp; Their \u003ci\u003eHighly Scientific\u003c\/i\u003e Cosmetic Benefits\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"MsoNormal\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: 'Segoe UI Emoji',sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Segoe UI Emoji';\"\u003e🌿\u003c\/span\u003e \u003cb\u003eCastor Oil\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul style=\"margin-top: 0cm;\" type=\"disc\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"mso-list: l7 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;\"\u003e\n\u003ci\u003eWhat it is:\u003c\/i\u003e The vegetable world’s answer to duct tape\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"mso-list: l7 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;\"\u003e\n\u003ci\u003eWhat we can say:\u003c\/i\u003e \"Promotes a \u003ci\u003eglossy finish\u003c\/i\u003e on your life’s canvas (and skin)\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"mso-list: l7 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;\"\u003e\n\u003ci\u003eTraditional use:\u003c\/i\u003e The reason your great-aunt’s eyebrows survived the 70s\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"MsoNormal\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: 'Segoe UI Emoji',sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Segoe UI Emoji';\"\u003e🌞\u003c\/span\u003e \u003cb\u003eSt. John’s Wort (Solar-Infused)\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul style=\"margin-top: 0cm;\" type=\"disc\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"mso-list: l4 level1 lfo2; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;\"\u003e\n\u003ci\u003eWhat it is:\u003c\/i\u003e Sunshine in oil form (if sunshine was also a nervous herbalist)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"mso-list: l4 level1 lfo2; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;\"\u003e\n\u003ci\u003eWhat we can say:\u003c\/i\u003e \"Adds a \u003ci\u003egolden glow\u003c\/i\u003e to your external existential crisis zone\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"mso-list: l4 level1 lfo2; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;\"\u003e\n\u003ci\u003eRegulatory footnote:\u003c\/i\u003e \"May or may not have been whispered about in medieval moonlit gardens\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"MsoNormal\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: 'Segoe UI Emoji',sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Segoe UI Emoji';\"\u003e🌲\u003c\/span\u003e \u003cb\u003eBlack Spruce Resin\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul style=\"margin-top: 0cm;\" type=\"disc\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"mso-list: l6 level1 lfo3; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;\"\u003e\n\u003ci\u003eWhat it is:\u003c\/i\u003e Liquid Canadian forest nostalgia\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"mso-list: l6 level1 lfo3; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;\"\u003e\n\u003ci\u003eWhat we can say:\u003c\/i\u003e \"For when you want to smell like a \u003ci\u003every grounded\u003c\/i\u003e tree hugger\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"MsoNormal\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: 'Segoe UI Emoji',sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Segoe UI Emoji';\"\u003e🌼\u003c\/span\u003e \u003cb\u003eCalendula (Solar-Infused)\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul style=\"margin-top: 0cm;\" type=\"disc\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"mso-list: l1 level1 lfo4; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;\"\u003e\n\u003ci\u003eWhat it is:\u003c\/i\u003e The garden’s equivalent of a comforting pat on the hand\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"mso-list: l1 level1 lfo4; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;\"\u003e\n\u003ci\u003eWhat we can say:\u003c\/i\u003e \"Adds a \u003ci\u003esuspiciously cheerful\u003c\/i\u003e yellow hue to your solemn self-care rituals\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"MsoNormal\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: 'Segoe UI Emoji',sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Segoe UI Emoji';\"\u003e🪵\u003c\/span\u003e \u003cb\u003eCopaiba Resin\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul style=\"margin-top: 0cm;\" type=\"disc\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"mso-list: l8 level1 lfo5; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;\"\u003e\n\u003ci\u003eWhat it is:\u003c\/i\u003e The Amazon’s answer to \"just relax, okay?\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"mso-list: l8 level1 lfo5; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;\"\u003e\n\u003ci\u003eWhat we can say:\u003c\/i\u003e \"Provides an \u003ci\u003eexotic backstory\u003c\/i\u003e for your skincare routine\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"MsoNormal\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: 'Segoe UI Emoji',sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Segoe UI Emoji';\"\u003e🌱\u003c\/span\u003e \u003cb\u003eRosemary\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul style=\"margin-top: 0cm;\" type=\"disc\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"mso-list: l0 level1 lfo6; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;\"\u003e\n\u003ci\u003eWhat it is:\u003c\/i\u003e The herb that says \"I’m sophisticated\" while secretly being basic\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"mso-list: l0 level1 lfo6; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;\"\u003e\n\u003ci\u003eWhat we can say:\u003c\/i\u003e \"For that \u003ci\u003eI-just-returned-from-a-Tuscan-villa\u003c\/i\u003e aura (even if it’s just your bathroom)\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"MsoNormal\" align=\"center\" style=\"text-align: center;\"\u003e\n\u003chr size=\"1\" width=\"100%\" align=\"center\"\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"MsoNormal\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eHow to Use (With Plausible Deniability)\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003col style=\"margin-top: 0cm;\" start=\"1\" type=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"mso-list: l5 level1 lfo7; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;\"\u003eApply to neck while murmuring \u003ci\u003e\"this is just moisturizer\"\u003c\/i\u003e to any nearby regulators\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"mso-list: l5 level1 lfo7; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;\"\u003eReapply when:\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cul style=\"margin-top: 0cm;\" type=\"circle\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"mso-list: l5 level2 lfo7; tab-stops: list 72.0pt;\"\u003eMercury is in retrograde\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"mso-list: l5 level2 lfo7; tab-stops: list 72.0pt;\"\u003eYour therapist says \"interesting\" in that tone\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"mso-list: l5 level2 lfo7; tab-stops: list 72.0pt;\"\u003eYou need an excuse to leave awkward conversations (\u003ci\u003e\"Sorry, my… neck salve is calling\"\u003c\/i\u003e)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c\/ol\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"MsoNormal\" align=\"center\" style=\"text-align: center;\"\u003e\n\u003chr size=\"1\" width=\"100%\" align=\"center\"\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"MsoNormal\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eDisclaimer (The \"We Read the Fine Print So You Don’t Have To\" Edition)\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"MsoNormal\"\u003e\u003ci\u003e\"This is a cosmetic product. Any resemblance to unapproved therapeutic uses is purely coincidental, poetic, or the result of your overactive imagination. Not evaluated by Health Canada. If you experience unexpected tranquility or life insights, please attribute them to literally anything else (like that meditation app you forgot to cancel).\"\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"MsoNormal\" align=\"center\" style=\"text-align: center;\"\u003e\n\u003chr size=\"1\" width=\"100%\" align=\"center\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003e\u003c\/b\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"MsoNormal\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eLAB RESULTS\u003c\/b\u003e \u003ci\u003e(A Totally Legit \u0026amp; Not-at-All Made-Up Scientific Breakdown)\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"MsoNormal\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eTested For:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: 'Segoe UI Symbol',sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Segoe UI Symbol';\"\u003e☑\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cb\u003eMoisturization\u003c\/b\u003e - \"Surpassed 100% of placebo creams made from expired regrets\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: 'Segoe UI Symbol',sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Segoe UI Symbol';\"\u003e☑\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cb\u003eAesthetic Vibes\u003c\/b\u003e - \"Scored 11\/10 on the 'Is This Witchcraft or Just Good Botanicals?' scale\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: 'Segoe UI Symbol',sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Segoe UI Symbol';\"\u003e☑\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan style=\"mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cb\u003eRegulatory Compliance\u003c\/b\u003e - \"Contains 0% hope, 0% promises, and 100% legally-vague poetic license\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"MsoNormal\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eKey Findings:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul style=\"margin-top: 0cm;\" type=\"disc\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"mso-list: l2 level1 lfo8; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003e83% of users\u003c\/b\u003e reported feeling \u003ci\u003evaguely ceremonial\u003c\/i\u003e while applying\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"mso-list: l2 level1 lfo8; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003e47%\u003c\/b\u003e admitted using it as an excuse to touch their neck thoughtfully in public\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"mso-list: l2 level1 lfo8; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003e100% of lawyers\u003c\/b\u003e confirmed: \"This is why we drink\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"MsoNormal\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eSafety Notes:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul style=\"margin-top: 0cm;\" type=\"disc\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"mso-list: l3 level1 lfo9; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eChakra Cross-Contamination Warning:\u003c\/b\u003e May accidentally align your aura (not our fault)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"mso-list: l3 level1 lfo9; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;\"\u003e\n\u003cb\u003eSpiritual Side Effects:\u003c\/b\u003e Reported instances of:\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cul style=\"margin-top: 0cm;\" type=\"circle\"\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"mso-list: l3 level2 lfo9; tab-stops: list 72.0pt;\"\u003eSudden urge to forgive your ex (\u003ci\u003erare\u003c\/i\u003e)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"mso-list: l3 level2 lfo9; tab-stops: list 72.0pt;\"\u003eUnwarranted sense of life purpose (\u003ci\u003every rare\u003c\/i\u003e)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"mso-list: l3 level2 lfo9; tab-stops: list 72.0pt;\"\u003eSmugness when explaining \"it's just a cosmetic\" to friends (\u003ci\u003eextremely common\u003c\/i\u003e)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"MsoNormal\" align=\"center\" style=\"text-align: center;\"\u003e\n\u003chr size=\"1\" width=\"100%\" align=\"center\"\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"MsoNormal\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eQUALITY ASSURANCE GUARANTEE\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"We solemnly swear this salve:\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: 'Segoe UI Symbol',sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Segoe UI Symbol';\"\u003e✓\u003c\/span\u003e Contains no actual magic (just suspiciously well-chosen herbs)\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: 'Segoe UI Symbol',sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Segoe UI Symbol';\"\u003e✓\u003c\/span\u003e Will not turn you into a wellness influencer (unless that's your thing)\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-family: 'Segoe UI Symbol',sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Segoe UI Symbol';\"\u003e✓\u003c\/span\u003e Is definitely, absolutely, unquestionably\u003cspan style=\"mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ci\u003ejust for dry skin\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"MsoNormal\" align=\"center\" style=\"text-align: center;\"\u003e\n\u003chr size=\"1\" width=\"100%\" align=\"center\"\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"MsoNormal\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eHOW TO READ THESE \"RESULTS\"\u003c\/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003eFor Legal Purposes:\u003c\/i\u003e This is satire.\u003cbr\u003e\u003ci\u003eFor Spiritual Purposes:\u003c\/i\u003e The truth is whatever you believe, bb.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"MsoNormal\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Kootenay Woman","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51645277077560,"sku":"47671833985266","price":27.0,"currency_code":"CAD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0967\/0289\/0040\/files\/root-sky-throat-neck-salve-1495971.jpg?v=1776206945","url":"https:\/\/blueretreatsaltspring.com\/products\/root-sky-throat-neck-salve","provider":"Blue Retreat Salt Spring","version":"1.0","type":"link"}